Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
