I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
