I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
