the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
