She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
