So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
