ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
