I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
