Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
