The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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