So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
