Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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