I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
