Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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