operation harelip BJ is a go
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
