so explain again why im purple
no
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
