I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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