there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
