I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
