I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
