my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
