How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
