I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My first STD was from a foam party
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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