At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
