and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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