yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am spending my child support on dildos
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
