Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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