btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
