I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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