I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
