i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
