I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
