New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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