one two three fourrrrnication!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
