Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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