There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
