if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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