i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
