I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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