I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
