is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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