I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
