apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
