Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize