Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
