Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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