Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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