My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i out mim tonsoeep
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
