ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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