Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
