Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
