my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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