I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
