can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
FUCK WHALES
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
