I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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