so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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