I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
