I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
