I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
