If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
