just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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