Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He felt like a one man threesome
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
