How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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