i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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