We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
