The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
