I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize