i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
