if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've blown a few things in my day
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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