Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This baby is an asshole
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize