I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Too much gin, very little bucket
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
